Are Muppets the root of all evil?

Advice for Parents by 

America’s fascination with Hollywood icons is astounding and repulsive. Foolish characters and surreal situations become the norm expected by our children, resulting in depression and worse upon the realization that our real world will never be even remotely like spoonfed Hollywood bullshit. Their marketing machine is too massive to control, and it has undue control over its critics. Unfortunately, we happily subject our children to this brainwashing cleverly disguised as “family entertainment.” Forget concentrating on science, technology, engineering and math, because the power of Hollywood has made those topics uncool.

Perhaps the worst offenders are the evil geniuses who run the Walt Disney Companies. Our childrens’ minds are captivated from their earliest memories by the Disney machine, cleverly engineering cartoons and sitcoms that will mend your child’s mind from Minnie to Miley as they grow from toddlers to teens. Scenes, situations, and often disrespectful smacktalk will be permanently etched and emulated as part of your child’s vocabulary and actions. Small-minded and insecure humans will be forever compromised as the Disney machine subliminally creates a race of merchandise and theme park ticket purchasing zombies.

Even the Muppets are no longer safe, now that the Disney machine has captured them in their latest travesty, Muppets Most Wanted. You’ve probably seen these fake felt beasts on every talk show and home shopping network for several months plugging this new variation of thought control. They’ve even invaded highway billboards, featuring a green frog and the following offensive words:

“Eats Flies. Dates a pig. Hollywood Star. Live your dream.”

The Foundation for a Better Life, the benefactor of this billboard, is a non-profit, privately-funded organization that supposedly promotes personal values of which it considers beneficial. The organization is headed by Gary Dixon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Just great. Now, we’ve got two organizations that firmly grasp the world of make-believe working together in an effort to ruin our children. Let’s look at the wording of this particular billboard and decipher the real message.

Eats flies. Smooth lead in. However, this could be offensive to certain cultures and civilizations who do, in fact, get a majority of their daily protein from insects.

Dates a pig. This is the most troubling statement on the billboard. American children are already fighting an obesity problem. And this is targeted specifically at young women dealing with that challenge. I fear this billboard may imply a societal stamp of approval on using the word pig to label any female who is unwanted. Not to mention that the frog’s inherent disrespect of the pig and her emotions is a blatantly harmful example that will certainly lead to more relationship and sexual strife.

Hollywood star. This is the clincher. Simply eat offensively, disrespect women, embrace sarcasm, adopt a Hebrew name like Kermit, and get rewarded handsomely with fame and fortune.

Mr. Dixon, is this really the kind of “Live Your Dreams” message the Mormon church intends to spread? Personally, as a devout agnostic and ordained minister, I find your advertisement as appalling today as I did in 2003. And Mr. or Miss Disney, I’m sure all the creative minds in your employ could come up with a few new and original characters who will have the wholesomeness and popularity of those in Frozen. If the antics of Muppets are the message we’re sending to our children, we’re all in trouble.

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